So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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