I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
