i don't like sucking hair
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
