So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
