Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
