Soap is not a condiment
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize