Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
