batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
