Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize