Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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