I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
