Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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