what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
