I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize