no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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