Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
