when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
