dude i'm inner monologue high
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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