I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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