How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
