Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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