I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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