alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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