You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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