Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
