Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
