You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
