I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
