my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
