So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
