dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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