oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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