i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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