I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize