I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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