Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
