I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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