im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
