I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
