So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
