God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
