I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
