i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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