dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
