I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
