The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm way too hungover for life right now
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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