in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The air was thick with penises
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
