Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize