Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
