Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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