I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
