Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
