I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
