Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
