if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
