toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
