My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
