That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
