i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
