apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
