I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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