I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So squirting runs in the family.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
