I wish I could teleport
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
