My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
