Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize