The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
