somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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