explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize