yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
