Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
