Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Randomize
