***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
this boner is exhausting
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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