Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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