If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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