Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
