i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do vagina's smell?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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