Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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