i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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