Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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