did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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