So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
