I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
