I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
A+ Viking dick
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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