I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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