hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
