i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
