My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
