I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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