I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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