i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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