in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
