Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
