Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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