Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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