So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My vagina just clenched in fear
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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