Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize