Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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