Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
