You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
