Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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