When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
