the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
