Whod you bang
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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