Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
