Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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