I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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