you have to choose: penises or morals?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
