Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
