You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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