My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
