Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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