Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
